Breaking Off A Piece

Seasonal varieties of candy bars are nothing new: Take the same shit you were planning to throw in there anyway, pour it into a differently shaped mold, package it with a fun color … voila! Profits. (?)

Seems pretty simple, but the different shapes of these candy bars has a penchant to upset the tested, fine-tuned and perfected balance of a tried-and-true candy bar. Sometimes it works for the better (e.g. the universally beloved Reese’s Egg and/or Tree), and sometimes it’s a Twix Heart.

Let me start by saying that the Twix Heart is in no way a heart. Instead, it’s an oval (if you squint) that has a few hearts stenciled in chocolate on the top of it. I get that the logistics of creating a heart-shaped shortbread Twix cookie could very well serve as an impediment for producing a true heart, but then bill it as a Twix Valentine or a Twix Lump of Love or something else of that nature. Once I saw this, I felt cheated, and then I felt embarrassed for feeling cheated, and then I told myself to stop feeling embarrassed because I knew I would end up including both of those feelings in this post and let’s just agree you weren’t cheated.

All shapes aside, if it tasted like a Twix, I’d probably be using fewer words to describe its shape. But it only tasted reminiscent of a Twix. The flavors were all there, sure; it crunched and carameled and got a little chocolate on my fingers. But the proportions were off … I think there was more caramel? Or the caramel inside was not as dense/solid as the caramel on a Twix? There was a definite difference, and it was noticeably inferior to the stick-variety bar.

Of course, I still ate it all. It wasn’t BAD. But if you see it and want to eat a heart-shaped Twix, you might be better served to get a regular one and break it into enough pieces. It will taste better, and, if you line the pieces up just so, it will also actually be in the shape of a heart.