Category Archives: Birthday Bar

“Oh, you want weird?”

[Ed. note: In honor of Max Bar‘s birthday, I missed a flight this morning and, as a result, am on a layover in Cincinnati. There is a candy store near the food court.]

“Sorry if all you smell is perfume. I was just trying on a bunch of it before over there and now it smells like perfume everywhere.”

“Don’t worry about it. I can’t smell a thing.”

[Ed. note: I could smell a thing.]

“That’s a lot of candy. Someone’s got a sweet tooth!”

“Heh. Yup. I eat a lot of candy.”

“Looking for anything in particular?”

“Not really … well … Do you have any weird candy? Like stuff you can’t find at most places you’d buy candy?”

“Oh, you want weird?”

Without any hesitation, the clerk walks over to a display, picks up and hands me this:

 

[Ed. note: I … I … suppose we have to get married?]

***

Tasting notes

Tabasco Spicy Chocolate (pictured above)

– Remarkable. Try this if you see it anywhere.

– Up front, it was just dark chocolate, but after a little while, the back of my throat started to burn. Tasted nothing like Tabasco.

Big Hunk (pictured above)

– A peanut-flavored taffy, which would have been weird even if it hadn’t been used to hit on me.

– It did provide a good cure for the Snack Attack, tho.

 
[Ed. note: If you’re wondering, I did indeed Bust It, Smack It and Break It To Pieces. The people in this food court are giving me the best looks. One guy has a cowboy hat on!]

  
Ice Cubes

– Not actually ice cubes. Just weirdly soft chocolate.

  
Zotz

– Whoever named this candy must really like Zs.

– Fizz bombs akin to the fizzy Warheads.

  
Giant Chewy Sweet Tarts

– I did not enjoy chewing on that trivet. 

  
Round Up candy cigarettes

– Pretty dull, but man did I ever feel cool eating them.  

 

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Marshall Faulk

Since I started this blog, the most common question I’ve received (outside of “Wait, what?”) is “What is your favorite candy bar?”

Today is my birthday. This is the candy bar I decided to eat.

Tasting Notes

– Frozen.
– Though they’re also delicious at room temperature.

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Happy Birthday Mama!

IMG_3856Today’s my mom’s birthday. She’s a pretty awesome mom. She tells some pretty mean stories.

And raised a pirate and didn’t even care.

Happy birthday to you, Mom. You made me more than your fair share of PB&J sandwiches, though they were usually just straight ‘ol PBs because you knew I didn’t like things that tasted like fruit for a very long time.

[Ed. note: I asked her what her favorite candy bar was and she mused, “Like music, it depends on my mood.” Snickers and the Bar That Keeps Hitting On You At The Bar were tossed out there as top contenders as well.]

***

Tasting Notes

– This candy bar tastes like a chocolate peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
– Please, could you tell me if that tastes good? Because I’m still not sure.

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