Category Archives: Google Search That Brought Traffic to BoaP Of The Day

Otters, Crowlers and #TaskTourism

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I just returned from a magnificent and too-short weekend in Portland, Ore., where I got to celebrate a Festivus I might have accidentally foisted upon my hosts.

I highly recommend at least a cursory exploration of the town. If you’re at a loss for what to do, you might consider just following your host around town as he/she runs errands. That might sound like a snide thing to be saying, but, very genuinely, I got to see a great deal of the city in a very efficient manner. Whoever figures out how to monetize #TaskTourism might just stumble onto the next AirbnB.

Before my trip, my hosts Chris and Rachel Bar had spent some time on St. Juan Island in Washington State and brought back the lavender milk chocolate pictured above for me to try.

Now, before I go any further, it is important for me to note that when I was growing up, my mother had a therapeutic neck pillow that contained lavender beads. You could put it in the microwave and wrap it around your neck, and it would somehow make life better.

It is also important for me to note that said pillow also was shaped like an otter and my mother named it Jethro.

The lavender chocolate is uniquely delicious. It is smooth and light and the lavender complements the milk chocolate in a fun way that dances across the tongue. It’s almost like enjoying a chocolate-covered flower.

But all I could think of when I ate it was my mother’s microwavable therapeutic neck pillow otter Jethro.

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I also ran into an Alcove Banana Cream Crunch bar out there, which seemed like it would be a lot of fun. It turns out it’s not; the banana flavor comes across as too fake, even if it’s not, and the crispy rice bits compromise the integrity of the admittedly nice chocolate — you end up having to chew it to get the full effect, which is kind of a bummer.

At the same liquor store I bought that lackluster bar, though, was a wonderful invention/craft beer distribution system called the Crowler. Basically, instead of having to fill an entire growler of beer, the store/bar pours beer into an oversized can and SEALS THE GIANT CAN RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. I took home 32 oz. of Boneyard’s Notorious triple IPA, and also took home a newfound sense of wonder.

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Google Search That Brought Traffic to BOaP of the Day

“keebler elf house”

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Pick literally anything else to be angry about

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No fewer than four independent people sent me a link to stories about people being mad about the shape of this year’s crop of Reese’s Trees, the cups’ Christmas seasonal shape varietal similar to the pumpkins and eggs of Halloween and Easter, respectively.

It seems the detail on the sides is not up to snuff.

That’s it. Apparently it resembles a turd. Because the edges aren’t jaggy enough.

Bruh. Continue reading

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Frozen Week: Bask in the glory of the Snickers Ice Cream bar

IMG_4550Unpopular opinion: I think Snickers are just OK.

I really have nothing bad to say about the bar. The Snickers is one of the most well-constructed candy bars of all time. It has balance, flavor, mouthfeel and can cure a case of the grumpies.

It’s just never done it for me. I like to eat them, but I have just never understood their unanimous coronation as Most Perfect Candy Bar Of All Time.

I’d rather have a Butterfinger. #sorrybro

Snickers Ice Cream bars, on the other hand? Swapping the chewy nougat and caramel for a smoother ice cream and caramel sauce?? Staying so cold the chocolate shell crisps in your mouth every time you bite into it, dawg??? Being just the right size that it is a satisfying dessert without leaving you overstuffed????

That’s a treat so deserving in praise that it should have a scholarship named after it.

This is the king of ice cream candy bars, the standard by which all others are judged.

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Google Search that Brought Traffic to BOaP of the Day

“night court bulls door way”

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“That’s Definitely the Record, Man”

IMG_3823“So, are we going to talk to them or what?”

“Dude, you know I don’t do openers.”

“I know.”

*breath*

“So, we think the both of you are absolutely adorable. Can we buy you a drink?”

(squinting in recognition) “Were the two of you at CVS earlier today? And, like, fighting over him buying you a candy bar?

[Ed. note: Any input/suggestions on better openers is welcome and encouraged.]

****** Continue reading

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Brit Week: A Minty Cheerio (Not the cereal. That would be gross.)

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Brit Week came to a lovely little conclusion yesterday evening as I noshed on a Nestle Mint Aero as I watched How To Train Your Dragon 2 get jobbed at the Oscars. [Ed. note: You got the Oscar in my book, Hiccup.]

The Aero was a lot like Hershey’s Air Delights, only the addition of CDM-style chocolate enhanced not only the candy bar’s flavour, but also its consistency: The bubbles were bigger and more pleasant in my mouth. [Ed. note: That sentence felt dirty when I typed it.]

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I can’t, however, say that I enjoyed it: The mint side of the Mint Aero was not a mint that I enjoyed, different than that of a candy cane or Andes candy (though, it may be the exact same as an Andes, just with a greater proportion of mint). I was fine with a few breaks, but a whole bar would have been overkill.

So, after a week of British sweets, my thoughts:

– That’s some good-ass chocolate.
– It’s better when it’s simple. You start throwing too much crap in it, and you lose the appreciation of the more nuanced flavor.
– Give me US chocolate when you’re getting wacky with the ingredients. Give me CDM chocolate when it’s just chocolate.
– In the future, I won’t do theme weeks back-to-back. It was certainly a fun two weeks, but I don’t know if either you nor I appreciated this as much as we could have. Let me know if I’m wrong.
– I do not, in any way, understand why they decided to stop this stuff from being imported. Petty stuff.

Google Search That Brought Traffic to BOaP of the Day

“what happens when you melt a hershey air bar”

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Valentine’s Week: Mike & Ike Passion Mix

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Tasting Notes

– These are easily the most passionate Mike & Ikes I’ve ever had.

Google Search That Brought Traffic to BOaP Of the Day

“valentine ditties”

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Chick-O-Sticks Are Really Weird

IMG_3572​I mean really. Look at that thing.

Everything about it: the color, the flavor combination (peanut butter and coconut. because why not?), the packaging, the color again, the crumbles.

How did this become a candy bar?

Tasting Notes

– Eating a Chick-O-Stick is basically like eating the inside of a Butterfinger, only if you rolled it in coconut and shaped it like two long goose poops.

Google Search That Brought Traffic To BOaP of the Day

“do not eat krackel candy”

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My feelings on almonds, in a nutshell

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Of all the flavors extracted from things that are used in making sweet things tasty (early favorite for qualifier of the year, I know), almond is by far my favorite.

It probably stems from my youth, when Mother Bar would consistently bake good-ass things flavored with almond, namely cake, cookies and, the best of them all, frosting. (If you have never had a tasty baked good with almond frosting, I encourage you to do so immediately, then if you don’t like it, escort yourself from the room and give your taste buds a talkin’ to because they need to straighten up, buster.) Continue reading

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