In honor of Westivus Weekend, allow me to air a couple of grievances. [Ed. note: Early, of course, which in and of itself is actually my first grievance.]
I got a LOTTA PROBLEMS with this candy.
- “Iddy biddy”?
- How you going to call them “iddy biddy” and not also call them “widdle”?
- People who use the word “widdle”
- The voice people use when they use the word “widdle”
- 60 Santas (approximately)! What an unorthodox (approximate) number! [Ed. note: I can only assume there will be more widdle Santas, like when they throw extra screws in Ikea furniture]
- Unorthodox approximations
- IKEA furniture
- That they don’t throw in more things like when they throw extra screws in Ikea furniture
- That apparently counting the widdle Santas in O’Hare is something worth staring at
- That there were EXACTLY 60 widdle Santas.
- Precise, accurate unorthodox approximations
- Wrapper images that are actual size
- The need to justify enlarged images on wrappers by telling consumers it’s “for texture”
- That these are pretty much just eating an individual bag of chocolate chips
- That stupid shit about the Reese’s Trees
- That they don’t sell individual bags of chocolate chips
Happy Festivus weekend everybody.