Category Archives: BREAKING NEWS

I’m going to just having to keep getting mad at people who can’t figure this Reese’s shape thing out, aren’t I?

Remember that time when people got grumpy about the Reese’s Trees not looking enough like trees? And Reese’s responded with aplomb?

Welp. Shocker of the year: They’re grumpy again. About the hearts.

Reese’s has, again, responded well enough, but I’m really at this point just preparing myself for the inevitable scorn that will likely be headed Reese’s Eggs’ way in 6 weeks or so.

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In other candy bar news, a London woman wants a lifetime supply of Kit Kats after she bit into a defective one that had no wafers inside.

While we here at BOaP admire her boldness and generally support lifetime supplies of candy bars for whatever reason, we cannot endorse this venture. Because it is stupid.

(Thanks to Georgia Bar for the tip!)

 

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Mangoes and Dark Chocolate: Oh Hey Der, New Friend

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I’ll be honest: I find mangoes mysterious and unpredictable.

I suppose a great deal of that comes from the fact that I just never really ran into them when I was growing up — a picky eater, apples were a tough sell, so mangoes were probably far out of the question. Also, Wisconsin.

As a grownup, I’ve had them a couple of times, but I’ve never really known about whether I’m eating them right. Am I supposed to use a knife? I can’t tell when they’re ripe? They have a pleasant enough taste, sometimes? Not so pleasant, though, that they have warranted further investigation.

And thus, here we are, describing fruit on a candy bar blog like a character played by James Spader on a network drama.

As a result, when Holtsford Bar — one of our regulars at Timmy’s, who, when not loving sugar cookies, rooting for the Panthers or believing in Knobby, has been one of BOaP’s stronger supporters — brought in a Ghirardelli Mango Sunset bar, I was as dubious as I was puzzled what to expect. I knew he wouldn’t be bringing, like, poison, but … mango and chocolate? Counselor Shore, you’re a loose cannon!

As is often the case, though, I’m a dope. The candy bar was damn good.

Sometimes, when you eat flavored chocolate, you can tell that it’s just chocolate and they threw some artificial flavoring in there; you’re hanging out with a friend but he/she also brought his/her shitty friend along. The experience is enough like hanging out with just your friend, but it’s less fun because you can’t stop noticing that shitty friend. Sometimes, the shitty friend is so shitty that it ruins hanging out with your friend altogether.

The Mango Sunset [Ed. note: I want to have a comment about the name, but I just can’t muster anything up.] is nothing like that, though. It’s more like hanging out with a friend who brought his/her new friend along and the new friend is delightful to the point that you’re really happy they came but you’re at the point where you don’t really have the capacity to make any more friends so you just appreciate and enjoy the new friend’s company and extend an open invitation to hang out that you don’t ever really plan on following up on.

Which is to say: The dark chocolate and the mango work together harmoniously and are a genuinely fun combination. The mango flavor is strong, but not fake-tasting, and has a fantastic complement in the bitterness of the dark chocolate. Whether chewed or allowed to melt on the tongue, the tropical-ness of the mango dances across the palate and elicits an almost whimsical response.

It’s not a candy bar I’d want to eat all the time — you definitely have to be in the mood for a Mango Sunset. But you know that your friend’s friend is almost definitely not going to hit you up for a happy hour, so you just kind of appreciate that it’s there and look forward to the next time you run into it.

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BREAKING NEWS: Pretentious candy bar bros get their pretentious comeuppance

I don’t like to say that I hate people, because, at its heart, the word “hate” is awful in just about any context. I do, however, have a Fk That Dude list.

The Mast Brothers? Fk those dudes. On the list.

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UPDATE: Reese’s is the best

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You probably remember this.

Here’s how Reese’s responded [Ed. note: For some reason Twitter embed doesn’t work on my template. Sorry, Twitter.]:

REeses

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And when someone tried to throw shade?

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You win, Reese’s.

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Pick literally anything else to be angry about

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No fewer than four independent people sent me a link to stories about people being mad about the shape of this year’s crop of Reese’s Trees, the cups’ Christmas seasonal shape varietal similar to the pumpkins and eggs of Halloween and Easter, respectively.

It seems the detail on the sides is not up to snuff.

That’s it. Apparently it resembles a turd. Because the edges aren’t jaggy enough.

Bruh. Continue reading

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NEWS: Nestle to Remove Artificial Ingredients By End Of Year

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Big announcement in the candy bar world today: Nestle’s goin’ natural.

According to the Wall Street Journal, you can probably expect others to follow in their footsteps.

The move makes Nestlé USA, a unit of Switzerland-based Nestlé with about $10 billion in sales, the first major U.S. candy manufacturer to remove such artificial ingredients—though others are working on similar moves.

Burgeoning demand for food made with simpler ingredients has put pressure on the packaged-food industry in recent years to develop natural substitutes that have reliable, cost-effective supplies.

Now, call me maybe, but I’m not getting particularly stirred up about this. If the only “artificial” things being removed from the candy bars are artificial flavorings and food dyes, then this isn’t going to change a whole lot — the lactic acid esters and soy lecithins of the world will still be included, and I’m still going to be not sure what the hell they are.

I’ll be OK with that, of course. But this move really seems to be mostly one done for PR purposes.

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BREAKING NEWS: Hershey’s Is Making Life Miserable For Brits Who Just Want Their Sweets

24CHOCOLATENYsub2-jumbo[Alternate headlines: “BREAKING NEWS: Hershey’s Is Basically Doing the Boston Tea Party But With Chocolate”; “BREAKING NEWS: Something Something Something Something Bollocks!”; “BREAKING NEWS: In Off-Colour Move, Hershey’s Gives British Candy Flavourful Departure”]

Thanks to an alert from loyal readers Marin Bar and Regan Bar, it’s come to my attention that Hershey’s is making all American importers of fine British chocolates cease their importing of said fine British chocolates, on the grounds of trademarks and regional licensing. Continue reading

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