[Ed. note: In honor of Max Bar‘s birthday, I missed a flight this morning and, as a result, am on a layover in Cincinnati. There is a candy store near the food court.]
“Sorry if all you smell is perfume. I was just trying on a bunch of it before over there and now it smells like perfume everywhere.”
“Don’t worry about it. I can’t smell a thing.”
[Ed. note: I could smell a thing.]
“That’s a lot of candy. Someone’s got a sweet tooth!”
“Heh. Yup. I eat a lot of candy.”
“Looking for anything in particular?”
“Not really … well … Do you have any weird candy? Like stuff you can’t find at most places you’d buy candy?”
“Oh, you want weird?”
Without any hesitation, the clerk walks over to a display, picks up and hands me this:
[Ed. note: I … I … suppose we have to get married?]
Tabasco Spicy Chocolate (pictured above)
– Remarkable. Try this if you see it anywhere.
– Up front, it was just dark chocolate, but after a little while, the back of my throat started to burn. Tasted nothing like Tabasco.
Big Hunk (pictured above)
– A peanut-flavored taffy, which would have been weird even if it hadn’t been used to hit on me.
– It did provide a good cure for the Snack Attack, tho.
[Ed. note: If you’re wondering, I did indeed Bust It, Smack It and Break It To Pieces. The people in this food court are giving me the best looks. One guy has a cowboy hat on!]
– Not actually ice cubes. Just weirdly soft chocolate.
– Whoever named this candy must really like Zs.
– Fizz bombs akin to the fizzy Warheads.
– I did not enjoy chewing on that trivet.
– Pretty dull, but man did I ever feel cool eating them.