Breaking Off A Piece

  
In honor of Westivus Weekend, allow me to air a couple of grievances. [Ed. note: Early, of course, which in and of itself is actually my first grievance.]

I got a LOTTA PROBLEMS with this candy. 

1. “Iddy biddy”?
2. Iddy.
3. Biddy. 
4. How you going to call them “iddy biddy” and not also call them “widdle”?
5. People who use the word “widdle”
6. The voice people use when they use the word “widdle”
7. 60 Santas (approximately)! What an unorthodox (approximate) number! [Ed. note: I can only assume there will be more widdle Santas, like when they throw extra screws in Ikea furniture]
8. Approximations
9. Unorthodox approximations
10. IKEA furniture
11. That they don’t throw in more things like when they throw extra screws in Ikea furniture
12. That apparently counting the widdle Santas in O’Hare is something worth staring at
13. That there were EXACTLY 60 widdle Santas.


60 widdle Santas. I wish I were kidding.

14. Precise, accurate unorthodox approximations
15. Wrapper images that are actual size
16. The need to justify enlarged images on wrappers by telling consumers it’s “for texture”
17. That these are pretty much just eating an individual bag of chocolate chips
18. That stupid shit about the Reese’s Trees
19. That they don’t sell individual bags of chocolate chips

Happy Festivus weekend everybody.