You probably remember this.
Here’s how Reese’s responded [Ed. note: For some reason Twitter embed doesn’t work on my template. Sorry, Twitter.]:
And when someone tried to throw shade?
You win, Reese’s.
No fewer than four independent people sent me a link to stories about people being mad about the shape of this year’s crop of Reese’s Trees, the cups’ Christmas seasonal shape varietal similar to the pumpkins and eggs of Halloween and Easter, respectively.
It seems the detail on the sides is not up to snuff.
That’s it. Apparently it resembles a turd. Because the edges aren’t jaggy enough.
Bruh. Continue reading
Yes, there are certainly plants and stuff that produce the sugar cane and the peanuts and the cocoa beans, but, like, you don’t see Snickers trees or Skittles bushes (though their marketing sometimes would suggest otherwise).
Candy is very much processed, the final byproduct of thousands of years of discovery, innovation and throwing lord-knows-what into sugarstuffs to peddle to the masses. A crowning achievement of our species.
Well, as it turns out, there are a few folks out there who have a different impression.
I ran into some all-natural candy bars from Cleo’s and Amy’s [Ed. note: The latter of which, I will note, is a brand that makes the nicest frozen burritos in the game.] in the quinoa section of the grocery store. Intrepid candy bar writer that I am, I scooped them right up and gave them a shot.
Full disclosure: I ate this one first because I was intrigued by the word “whipped”.
It was … well, it was ok. Something about the nougat was off, or perhaps it had to do with the caramel. It tasted almost figgish? Perhaps that was where they pulled the sweetness from, in lieu of the chemicals/high fructose corn syrup. It gets a ringing “I didn’t spit it out” endorsement.
I did not notice the level of whip, but I did enjoy the story about Amy’s dad. He seems like a good guy. Probably not as good as my dad, but I bet they would have a good laugh over a malted milk ball.
This is more like it. Boom. Some top-notch toffee. Thick, but easy to bite, with an appropriate amount of nuttiness. Just the right consistency, and a swell bit of butteriness. This was my favorite of the bunch.
The only bar of these five with the distinction of also being vegan, the Cleo’s cups had me a little nervous. The thing about chocolate is that there’s dairy in there, so I was dubious over whether they could pull it off. Especially because they used the words “milk chocolatey”, insinuating that there would be some sort of milk chocolate facsimile happening around the peanut butter.
My caution was not unfounded — there was definitely some notes of soy going on — but, on the whole, this bar was pretty tasty. What the chocolate lacked, the peanut butter more than made up for. It was thick, creamy and rich: a significant upgrade from the chalky peanut butter of a Reese’s. I think I still preferred the entire package of the latter, but Cleo’s did a nice job with this one.
It also gets points for the Egypt theme, though I don’t really get why they decided to go with it.
Indistinguishable from a good post-workout protein recovery bar. Which is only a good thing if you’re a post-workout protein recovery bar.
It’s pretty easy to screw up caramel. Make it too runny, too salty, too chewy, too hard and it’s useless. This caramel is the spot-on perfect consistency, and couples well with the added pecans. Highly recommended.
That’s right, friends.
My answer when somebody asks, “How do you eat your Reese’s?”?
“In the smallest form possible.”
As sliders, Munchkins and Bagel Bites have scientifically proven, often times it can be more fun to eat a lot of little versions of something instead of one big version.
I haven’t felt that way when it comes to the new bag-o-mini bars trend; I typically skew towards the “not bad but I’d rather just eat the big one” persuasion.
But Reese’s Minis are the best.
It has most to do with the higher-than-regular chocolate-to-peanut butter ratio (the same ratio that made the Reese’s Egg a standout, albeit in the opposite way). Due to that chocolate, it’s a little more creamy in the way of mouthfeel without sacrificing its peanut-buttery foil, which I think provides a superior tasting experience. I also suspect they’re even better when they’re frozen, but I will confirm that later this summer.
I’m also fairly certain I enjoy them more because I enjoy them longer: Minis are easier to take your time with. I lay waste to the big cups within seconds; it’s hard to put down a half-bitten cup of you’re on your feet — you keep it in your hand, then the chocolate starts to melt on your fingers, and you’re probably wearing a white shirt and you don’t want to risk it, so you finish the rest of the cup before you have a chance to really savor the first bite. The Minis, though, are easy enough to pop one-by-one on a stroll through a warm spring drizzle.
They’re easier to share, too. Nobody wants to see a chocolate thumbprint on the split-in-half regular size cup they were just handed; with Minis, you can just shake one or two out and pass. And if there’s one thing we here at Breaking Off A Piece support, it’s an easy-sharing candy bar.
When it comes to peanut butter cup, give me a mini over a regular.
Everyday All day long.
[Ed. note: Okay, you got me. I just threw that last sentence in there because this song is on fire and I want an entire album of hip-hop songs with Rod Stewart samples:
That Mark Ronson guy who just popped up all of the sudden seems like he might be game to get it done. Hopefully he’s a reader. If so, Mark, make this happen. And thank you for reading. And sorry that I said you just popped up all of the sudden I’m sure you have had a long career and worked tirelessly to attain the level of success you are now experiencing. And thank you for whatever you did on the song above because it has made my week.]
… and upon circumspection of the train car, he very violently realized that he was the kinda drunk guy on the Red Line eating a candy bar he was so excited to buy at Starbucks because he hadn’t seen it before and could write about it on his candy bar blog later that his parents always warned him about.