A salve for your Girl Scout Cookie withdrawal

IMG_4269Girl Scout Cookies are a thing that everybody forgets about loving until the day they go on sale again. [Ed. note: Think I’m kidding? Tell me what day they go on sale. You can’t, can you? It’s the most ambiguous time of year.] After that? Look out. Frenzy time.

People buy boxes and boxes; they freeze them, they share them, they talk about them and they write about them. When the supplies dwindle, there’s a little bit of lament, then we go back to jammin’ on Oreos, E.L. Fudges and Girl Scout Cookie facsimiles, until the next season comes around again. Rinse, repeat.

I typically avoid them.


I know enough about my levels of self-control to know what will happen when I bring them into the house: a sleeve becomes a serving size.

A single bar, though? Not a bad way to get your fix, be it on account of withdrawal or abstinence. Nestle offers Girl Scout Cookie-themed Crunch Bars typically in the May-August months, though they’re less like Crunch Bars and closer to a Reese Stick or a Kit Kat in their wafer-based nature.

They have three offerings based on three cookies. My thoughts:

Peanut Butter Creme (based on Tagalongs or Peanut Butter Patties, depending on your regional nomenclature) (pictured above)

This bar tastes like if there were a romantic comedy where a Little Debbie Nutty Bar stars as a clumsy-but-lovable man boy who accidentally conceives a child with the uptight Reese’s Sticks after a boozy post-kickball happy hour — even though they couldn’t be more different — then end up falling in love and raising the child candy bar, only if that bar was played by the same kid who played Anakin Skywalker in Episode I: The Phantom Menace and only did a serviceable job, so you really were left wishing that you had just reached for one of his parents.

A Reese’s Sticks or a Nutty Bar would both have been better, but I have to say that if that pod racing part is on, I watch it every time.

IMG_4318Caramel & Coconut (Samoas or Caramel DeLites)

Caramel DeLites were always my favorite growing up, and I think that the Caramel & Coconut is my favorite of the Girl Scout Cookie Crunches.

The top draws:

1) A balanced flavor that tastes just like the Girl Scout Cookie it’s based on. It’s not too strong of a coconut, and features just enough caramel, which, if I might say, is layered in the middle to provide a …

2) Perfect variation of texture. The caramel in the middle is a chewy surprise, and plays well with the crispiness of the wafers, the smoothness of the creme and the chocolatiness of the chocolate, almost as if they were students at recess at one of those private, rich-people preschools that that the lead characters of sitcoms always initially desire but never end up actually sending their kids to.

[Ed. note: Apparently it’s entertainment trope analogy day.]

IMG_4322Thin Mints (Thin Mints)

I’m a fool for chocolate mint things. These are good, but not nearly as addictive as their cookie counterpart, which is simultaneously disappointing and welcome. I feel safer around this bar. Which might say more about me than it says about the bar, but ah, well.


Final Rankings (Candy bar version)

1) Coconut & Caramel
2) Peanut Butter Creme
3) Thin Mints

And, for grins …

Final Rankings (Girl Scout Cookie version)

1) Thin Mints (frozen)
2) Samoas/Caramel DeLites
3) Tagalongs/Peanut Butter Patties
4) Thin Mints (room temp)
5) Thanks-a-Lot
6) Lemonades/Lemon Pastry Cremes
7) Shortbread
8) Whatever weird new one they’re pushing on us now
9) Peanut Butter Sandwiches/Do-Si_Dos. Always Peanut Butter Sandwiches.

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