Monthly Archives: April 2015

It’s Bunny Season: A New Peep To Peep

IMG_3882Now what in tarnation …

It is a very visually jarring confection

It is a very visually jarring confection

Tasting Notes

– These are actually on point. Bravo, folks at Peeps. [Ed. note: People at Peeps? Peepsle? Peeps?]
– Imagine a fluffier, less chewy version of taffy.
– At the current moment, my preferred Peep.

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It’s Bunny Season: “Look Out, It’s the Cadbury Brothers”

IMG_3873Don’t ask me how or where this thought originated, but for some time now, I’ve considered the major Cadbury eggs as something of the bullies of the Easter candy aisle. Like, if the candies all came to life in the same vein as they do in Toy Story, only went to high school, the Cadburys would both be wearing letterman jackets, shoving the Peeps into a locker and making fun of their little brother, Mini, for being a mathlete.

Everyone knows who they are, so they’re not going anywhere, but everybody else secretly doesn’t much care for them.

At one point in my life, the Cadbury Creme was my favorite candy, period. I’d eat scores of them every Easter and relish them in the month after, before they’d return in February. But then my tastebuds developed, or something, and holy wow, they are so dadgum sweet. The creme/frosting filling is just so overwhelmingly saccharine, I usually only eat one a year.

That’s right. The candy and frosting inside is too sweet for the candy bar blogger. Who also likes frosting so much he could probably run a frosting blog [Ed. note: if he had the time or lack of shame], too.

IMG_3879The Cadbury Caramel, too man. It’s a great thing to eat if you ever also have eaten an entire carton of apple dip in one sitting. Otherwise, nope. Not gonna do that.

But they’re ubiquitous this time of year and are one of the most iconic Easter candies out there.

And I bet the Rain-blo Eggs and the Jellybeans resent the hell out of that.

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Candy Bar or Candy Baren’t: Asparagus


We all know this has been coming from the moment I started this little experiment.

Easily the most contentious disagreements I’ve had this year have been surrounding whether something is or isn’t a candy bar.

I know a lot of you don’t believe in my definition.

… But I also know a lot of you have eaten asparagus before.

And despite its unconventional format, despite the fact that it’s found in the produce aisle, despite that it pretty definitely needs to be cooked before you eat it, I don’t know anybody who could deny “Nature’s Candy” its rightful classification as 100% fking candy bar.

I mean, do you not have tastebuds?

Have you never had a medley where you were disappointed that the ‘gus [Ed. note: You know I’m pronouncing it “goose”.] got thrown in? Have you never been eating a fine risotto and said, “You know what wouldn’t make this better? Some bitchin-ass spears of my green friend asparagus.”?

Have you never had a bad day and just gone to the grocery store and chomped on some asparagus heads, letting go as your pains give way to their succulent, fibrous texture?

Guys, this is asparagus we are talking about. Not a jawbreaker. Not a granola bar.


You’re certainly allowed to disagree with me. You are entitled to your opinion and your own personal definition of “candy bar”. You are welcome to cast asparagus among jelly beans and fruit snacks.

Just as I am welcome to call you a Philistine. Continue reading

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