Breaking Off A Piece

Please be respectful in the comments. Slurs and nefarious epithets will not be tolerated. This means you, Bar McCann.

I will now list the flavors of Starburst, according to taste (in descending order):

1. Cherry (red)
2. Strawberry (pink)3. Lemon (yellow)
4. Orange (orange. ugh.)

Now that that’s established, there are a fckin bunch of other flavors of Starburst, and they deserve to be ranked as well. If only so you don’t have to be concerned over which type to try. [Ed. note: Ahem. Get out of here, Wild Berry.]

1. Fruit Punch (FaveReds): Unequivocally the best.
2. Cherry (Classic, FaveReds)
3. Passionfruit Punch (Superfruit): Yo.
4. Strawberry (Classic, FaveReds, Wild Berry)
5. Royal Berry Punch (Tropical): I think I’m a sucker for punch.
6. Raspberry Pomegranate (Superfruit)
7. Strawberry Starfruit (Superfruit)
8. Lemon (Classic)
9. Watermelon (FaveReds): Watermelon is best as a straight-up fruit. The flavor isn’t strong enough to carry a candy. But it’s still not bad.
10. Blueberry Acai: I still don’t know how to pronounce that food.

Line of demarcation between good and lousy

11. Mango Melon (Tropical): The mango saves the melon. Still not great
12. Orange (Classic)
13. Raspberry (Wild Berry): This is the shittiest pack of candy. It even taints the strawberry that’s in there. If you see this variety in a weird gas station, don’t buy it.
14. Blueberry (Wild Berry)
15. Blackberry (Wild Berry)
16. Strawberry Banana (Tropical): Get out of here, fake banana flavor.
17. Pina Colada (Tropical): Hey, candy companies: Pina Colada shit never tastes good. Stop it. Just stop it.

Alright kids. Go nuts.