“Thank you so much. Again, I’m so sorry.”
The cashier squinted her eyes like she was smiling but her mouth never actually moved. She hated me.
They all did.
“C’mon, Toby! Come with mommy!”
His little fingers grasped my largest two and we made toward the automatic door.
“Mother of the year, right there.”
What. “Mother of the year right there”?
You have got to be. fcking. kidding me.
I turned and glared at that little bitch.
“You’ve got some nerve. You know that?”
“Excuse me, what?”
I walked toward her. She looked confused, probably because someone finally called her on her bullshit.
“You know what you said. I heard it this time. And I’m sick and tired of it. You spend a day in my shoes.”
I find it hard to believe that my kid was the first one to ever shit in the toy aisle at CVS. I’m sure they have an asterisk in their training manual for just that kind of situation.
And what, I’m just supposed to carry a mop and bucket wherever I go?
“I’m sorry, ma’am. I am very confused. …
“I just wished your son a happy Pi Day.”
“You know, March 14? Three point one four? He was waving at me. And his shirt says he’s a math monster.”
That’s not what she said. It can’t be.
“No … No, that’s not what I heard. And … That can’t be a real thing.”
“Math monsters or Pi Day?”
“Pi Day. I’ve never heard of that before. Is that a real thing?”
“I mean, I clearly didn’t get off work for it, but yeah, people know what it is. It’s actually a special one today because of the year but … What did you think I said?”
What the hell is going on?
“I … I don’t know. It doesn’t matter I thought you said something different.”
“I’m sorry that you heard that.”
“It’s OK. Have a good day. C’mon Toby.”
As I reached for him it dawned on me that S Club 7 was playing in the background.
I smiled. It’s all I could do.
– The PB Twix will forever live in the shadow of it’s older brother.
– The taste and texture game were on point, but it was better when the cookie was chocolate.