Monthly Archives: January 2015

I’m Too Upset About The Packers To Write About Candy Bars Today

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At some point I’ll talk about Snickers Peanut Butter, but I’m really just not in the mood. Dove is Dove.

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Bars in Strange Places: Pret’s Dark Chocolate and Sea Salt

IMG_3553[Ed. note: Bars in Strange Places will be a running feature of candy bars found in an unconventional setting. Still definitely candy bars, but not ones you would perchance find while at the grocery store with your mom.]

I stumbled upon Pret’s Dark Chocolate with Sea Salt during a quick lunch stop at, you guessed it, Pret A Manger, an seemingly successful urban lunch bistro despite having a name that people are only ever a little sure how to pronounce.

I didn’t realize restaurants make their own candy bars these days. This will be something I look out for in this little adventure, perhaps earning its own feature with a bad name. (Speaking of, anybody got a better name for this one?)

Tasting Notes

– This bar definitely has more to offer to those who are chocolate melters than those who are chocolate chewers.
– Very easy to break off a piece. Not that this is a revelation, but I was able to fracture it very accurately in terms of the size of piece I was looking to break off.
– The salt is very subtle. But it’s perfect. Really. When you hit a little pocket of it, it’s smiles all around.
– I would like them to sell these in stores. Approved.

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WTF Is This?: Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cups

IMG_3551I’m dubious of anything that labels itself “smooth” and “crunchy” (was really hoping Google image search was going to dig up some gold on that one, but, alas, I have nothing to link to). Unless you have the proven reputation of jumbo shrimp, you best be careful throwin’ oxymorons around with such frivolity. Continue reading

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Rank ‘Em Up: Skittles

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[Ed. note: Rank ‘Em Up is a running feature in which I will give definitive rankings of something candy-bar-related, and you will disagree with me and end up respecting me less.]

These are the definitive rankings of the colors of Skittle.

1. Red
2. Old green
3. Yellow
4. Orange
5. Purple

17. New green. Fk you, new green. I hate you and you have made it impossible to grab a handful and toss them into your mouth without care or consequence. You mesh with none of the other flavors and besmirch the memory of your predecessor in color.

Disagree? Sound off. I have my reasons. I’m curious about yours. Taste the rainbow.

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My feelings on almonds, in a nutshell

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Of all the flavors extracted from things that are used in making sweet things tasty (early favorite for qualifier of the year, I know), almond is by far my favorite.

It probably stems from my youth, when Mother Bar would consistently bake good-ass things flavored with almond, namely cake, cookies and, the best of them all, frosting. (If you have never had a tasty baked good with almond frosting, I encourage you to do so immediately, then if you don’t like it, escort yourself from the room and give your taste buds a talkin’ to because they need to straighten up, buster.) Continue reading

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I tried some weird caramel candy I found at the grocery store for less than $.50

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I came across these two candy bars in a “buy me!” bin near a Jewel-Osco checkout lane in late 2014. Fully aware, at that point, that I was about to eat 365 different candy bars in the forthcoming year, I grabbed these two a) for fodder and b) because I’d never seen them before.

I don’t know if I’ll see them again. What I do know is that after Sunday and Monday, I’ll probably never eat them again.

Slo Poke Tasting Notes

– Why did they spell it like that. Continue reading

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Candy Bar or Candy Baren’t: Necco Wafers

IMG_3540[Ed. note: Candy Bar or Candy Baren’t will be a running feature in which I will eat candy bars that are on the fringe of candy baredom. Discussion in the comments is encouraged.]

[Ed. note 2: Yes, I realize that it’s a horrible name. Alternative suggestions welcomed and recommended.]

So, here’s the thing: Necco Wafers are fking disgusting. Continue reading

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WTF Is This?: Hershey’s Air Delight

IMG_3537[Ed. note: WTF Is This? will be a running feature in which I will eat a candy bar I’ve never had before and then talk about what I thought of it.]

Hershey’s Air Delight is a simple concept: Take a standard milk chocolate bar and add bubbles.

Basically: the seltzer water of chocolate. Continue reading

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Friendship is pretty sweet

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Sometimes, when you’re having an especially rough day, a coworker notices and offers a token of camaraderie, and it really helps.

Cheers, mate.

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A passage from a novel without any context: Vol. 1

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***

“Everything’s great.

.. Thank you.”

As the server walked away from his table, Jeff glanced back down at the tenders resting atop their french fry bed. He had no idea whether they were actually great — he hadn’t taken a single bite — but they looked great enough, the same Sysco breaded chicken whatevers available at any other pub. Fingers here, strips there. They were hard to screw up.

One place once had the nerve to call them “cutlettes”. Fkers. Continue reading

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