Candy Bar or Candy Baren’t: Necco Wafers

IMG_3540[Ed. note: Candy Bar or Candy Baren’t will be a running feature in which I will eat candy bars that are on the fringe of candy baredom. Discussion in the comments is encouraged.]

[Ed. note 2: Yes, I realize that it’s a horrible name. Alternative suggestions welcomed and recommended.]

So, here’s the thing: Necco Wafers are fking disgusting.

A favorite of Sister Bar since childhood, there is next to nothing redeemable about this candy bar aside from the fact that it’s made of sugar.

Here are some things said at a diner on Saturday evening among Boof Bar and Basketball Intern Bar. At least half of these things were presented as positives:

– “They shatter when they hit surfaces.”

– “The green ones taste like laundry detergent.”

– “This is just edible chalk.”

– “You know those shitty hearts you eat for Valentine’s Day? It’s like you melted them and made them more boring. And there are no messages.”

– “That’s supposed to taste like chocolate?”

– “Banana?”

– “That just tastes like brown.”

– “I had no hopes for these. And they met them.”

– “Do you want any more?”
“I don’t, but I haven’t stopped eating them. Maybe there’s something to these.”

There’s not.

They are, though, a candy bar in my book. According to the official definition. Disagree? Sound off, friends.

Tasting Notes

– If you hadn’t noticed, I think these things are pretty bad.

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4 thoughts on “Candy Bar or Candy Baren’t: Necco Wafers

  1. Oh yeah, they are disgusting. Even now, with no ability to taste, I still wouldn’t eat them.

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  2. Dan Moore says:

    1. The name is perfect and I will do something rash if you change it.
    2. Necco Wafers are terrible but I like that they’re still around, because it means the alternate-universe civilization that likes inexplicable candy and is not on the internet is still around, taking up the same space and using the same convenience stores we are, like antimatter, but passing totally unnoticed.
    3. It’s definitely a bar of candy but I was skeptical about it being a candy bar until I read your definition, which is airtight.

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  3. Carp says:

    When I was a child, I once bought Necco Wafers from the Milwaukee Public Museum’s candy shop in their Streets of Old Milwaukee exhibit. Other options: Lemonheads, rock candy, black licorice.

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  4. […] a tray. Black Cows are melted Tootsie Rolls. – One bite was enough. It’s not poison. Or Necco Wafers. But I don’t care to have any more. – This has been a rough couple of […]

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